It has taken me an inordinate amount of time for me to get my website out into the world. In case you’re wondering what that means in my world, it’s been more than a year.
I had no idea how difficult this was going to be. Writing the copy was hard. Consolidating my thoughts was…and continues to be…hard. Marketing, branding, logos, all stuff that I had only a peripheral understanding of still feels hard. Thank goodness for Harmonie Ponder, the magical maven behind Ponder Consulting, whose infinite patience and professionalism have brought me to light.
But what was really hard was putting myself out in the world to be looked at. When Harmonie told me one day that she had created a Facebook page for my business, I almost had a panic attack. Truly. I was alone in a hotel room in California with my fears and anxiety and it didn’t feel good. It also felt like I was creating a bunch of drama over something silly. Something I really wanted. Dear God, someone was going to look at that and they were going to see me. Well, duh. That’s the point, right?
Creating a website for my business has been fun at times, but mostly I have worried about what people…my colleagues, especially…are going to think about me when I put it out there. Who do I think I am, anyway?
And the more I worked on who my “ideal client” is…another one of those things you are supposed to do is dial down and figure out whom it is you are here to serve…it occurred to me that my ideal client is a lot like me.
My ideal client is someone whose trauma is getting in the way of them being truly successful in life. Hmmmmmm.
Now I NEVER thought I had trauma. I was raised to suck it up, soldier on, and live my life because there are so many other people less fortunate than I.
Yet, there I was at EMDR trainings and I had to work on something. And I didn’t think I had anything. Yet, the more I looked the more I found.
I recently decided I was going to do something about the fact that I have 3 big goals to achieve and I knew SOMETHING was getting in the way.
And just recently an amazing EMDR trainer and practitioner crossed my path. Now I had someone I knew I wanted to do my work with.
You see, in my practice with EMDR I watch miracles happen for my clients. And I decided I wanted some of that.
So, in January I had a big dose of EMDR and did the deep dive to process some of that old trauma with the specific intent of removing those blocks that are standing in my way.
I have also done lots of work on mindset and blocks and the more I learned about EMDR, the more I realized it is the deep, unprocessed stuff that has to be addressed and processed or you are just whistling in the dark…literally.
Anyway, we dug deep, we processed, and I now feel more joyful, confident, on purpose and focused than I have in a long, long, time.
I liken it to feeling like a beautiful, brightly painted box that the top has been taken off and now all these gorgeous balloons are just floating out.
And I realized along the way that one of my ideal clients…there isn’t just one for me…was me: pretty high functioning, pretty successful, pretty happy, but has old crap getting in the way of true success and happiness.
I am noticing so many changes already and I am thrilled. I can’t wait to see what happens next.
My word for this year is joy. I was determined to restore my joy. It got lost somewhere and life has felt so hard, even though I realize how very blessed I am.
And guess what I found? Yep. My joy was right there inside waiting for me. Underneath all that trauma.
Everything feels lighter, easier, and achievable.
One of my primary goals was also making me sick…really sick to my stomach…every time I even thought about it. I couldn’t get started. It felt awful. And now it feels magnetic…like I couldn’t possibly not get it done. Because now it really belongs to me. It’s coming and I am happily…yes…happily…doing the work on it. I would never have even believed that was possible. The last two nights I have sat down to work on it…unplanned, but I am so drawn to do it now…with sunlight in my heart instead of dread. Super WOW there for me.
Guess what? My trauma was in the way of my goals. Well, no shit. Of course it was. How can it not be?
What would you like to clear? What are you ready to shift and let go of? What are you ready to welcome into your life?
And the answer to that question from up above: Who do I think I am anyway?
I’m a trauma therapist. This is what I do. I help people move from trauma to transformation. I watch miracles happen.
Horses and Healing